Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
