let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
