you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
