Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize