note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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