Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
