I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You are a genius and a whore.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
