I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
