so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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