if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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