He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
