last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
