i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
