my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
