But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
