You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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