No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
