I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize