The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
