Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
