just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
