It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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