explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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