Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
