Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
