I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
