but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
