I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
