How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
