Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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