a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
