I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
