If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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