just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
