Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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