How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
