she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
