alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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