Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
