can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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