I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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