I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
