why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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