Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
