You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
