Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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