my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
