I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
