I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
