I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
