I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
