Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
