i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
