I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
