i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sext me about skeletons
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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