You made me cry and you don't even care
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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