we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
