I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
