Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
