i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
