I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
