I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
