i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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