he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
