I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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