who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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