There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
