what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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