Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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